Retro Spring


Thursday, September 15, 2011

it doesn't always feel real

**I wrote this yesterday, and didn't think I would post it for anyone to read.  But then a friend reminded me that this blog is as much for me as it is for the people who read it.  I want to remember these times, and this is where I am right now!  Enjoy...or think I'm a raving lunatic.  Just don't tell me if it's that last one.

The past few weeks I have felt very disconnected from this adoption.  Don't get me wrong, I love my son and can not wait to meet him. However, I am not in love with the process that it takes to get him here! Since we finally got our homestudy completed and our USCIS application sent off I've just taken a break from the whole thing.

It was not intentional, or planned, it seems as if my brain (and my heart?) have taken an adoption vacation!  I feel guilt about it!  I want Danny here so much that I cry about it, so my guess is that it's unconscious self preservation that brought me here.  I will give myself some credit, there has been a lot going on, and I have been shouldering the bulk of it, as Wes has been out of town for two weeks now.  I've still been doing things for Danny, and with him in mind, they just aren't paperwork things.  His closet and bedroom look amazing!  His bed is so cute, and I can't wait for Wes to get home to build his headboard and footboard.  I've been procrastinating, so now I need a plan!

Here is my plan: my USCSIS fingerprints are completed, and hopefully tomorrow Wes's will be too.  After that I really need to get cracking on the paperwork monster again.  Will you please join me in praying for focus and endurance to get it all completed in the next two weeks?  The "plan" includes working on one item per day until it's all done.  I think two weeks should just about do it.

Once the paperwork is complete another trip to Austin will be in order to get it all apostilled.  Hopefully by October 15th (arbitrary date I pulled out of the air) we will have our "Golden Ticket" from USCIS, and that is the point at which we will be able to send our dossier to Danny's country. That means we could travel sometime around mid-November.  Ever wanted to visit Eastern Europe in winter?  Ha!  Me neither!  But if it means seeing, loving, hugging my boy?  I'm all in.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us through this crazy, heart wrenching, bonkers adoption.  We love you all!

PS: Don't forget to pray for the Hinzes, they left today to go meet their son!


  1. I know exactly how you feel. Hang in there girl! No guilt. You are completely and perfectly normal. We all feel it, even when the child is already in the home. Love you! Always praying. :)

  2. You did real good, kid. :-) Try to not feel as guilty. It's normal. Love ya!

  3. Sometimes we all have to step back and catch our breath. Don't feel guilty for having to do so. It's just allowing you to refocus and gain your motivation back!