Back in June of last year I wrote three posts titled "how we got here" and included some back ground on how Wes and I came to adoption. Now that our adoption is almost completed I have a new installment to add to our story! Ultimately this blog is to help chronicle our lives, as well as adoption, so I thought I would go ahead and add another chapter.
Before you read this post please click here to read the first three installments....we will wait....part 1, part 2, part 3.
OK, here goes. When we started the adoption we were still trying to get pregnant, but with all the stress of adoption and life we quit trying. As in went back on birth control. (Hey, I'm baring it all here!) In December, once we had our travel dates to meet Danny (Colton Daniel now) we decided that we were ready to start "trying" again, truly believing it would be a few months before anything happened. Boy were we wrong! The entire week we were in Bulgaria we knew something was up, but neither of us really wanted to say much about it. When we left to come back home (so stinking hard, by the way) we decided that I would take a home pregnancy test the following morning. I bet you can guess what it said....PREGNANT! We were thrilled! And we are not good secret keepers, so later that day at lunch we told our friends and family, but then asked all them to keep our secret because of our history of miscarriages. Wes and I also requested their prayers for a healthy baby this time around.
Today, 19 weeks pregnant, I am happy to tell you that Colton will be a big brother! Baby BOY Whiteaker will join our family in early September. We truly could not be more thrilled with God's timing in all this. His plans are always better than ours, and neither of us could imagine our lives without Colton in them and know with out question that we have been walking His path this whole time. Especially when our hearts hurt, and we didn't understand what was going on.
Showing posts with label life story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life story. Show all posts
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Saturday, October 15, 2011
reflections
Not only is October Down Syndrome Awareness Month, but today, October 15th, is Pregnancy Loss & Remembrance Day. If you have read any of our back story you realize that the path which brought us to Danny includes the loss of two pregnancies during 2010. The first was very early, but very much wanted at 6 weeks. Our second loss (equally wanted, and a daughter) was at 16 weeks right before Christmas. Not a day goes by that I don't think of these two babies and what they mean.
A few days ago I was thinking how strange it was that I would have had a daughter who was four and a half months old at this point. How strange that honestly, I can't imagine what that would be like. What I can imagine is that sometime in the next six months or so Danny will come home with us. He will be 4 then. How different it will be than what I truly expected my life to be at this point. Do I wish that one (both isn't possible) of those babies we conceived was with us? Absolutely. But do I also have dreams for our son, who probably wouldn't be in our future without those losses? There is no doubt!
So as I cry, I thank God for the experience of those two losses, because I know that we are on His path for us. I also pray that His path includes biological children for us, someday. And today, I pray that our babies are looking down and proud of us and excited to see their brother in our home soon.
A few days ago I was thinking how strange it was that I would have had a daughter who was four and a half months old at this point. How strange that honestly, I can't imagine what that would be like. What I can imagine is that sometime in the next six months or so Danny will come home with us. He will be 4 then. How different it will be than what I truly expected my life to be at this point. Do I wish that one (both isn't possible) of those babies we conceived was with us? Absolutely. But do I also have dreams for our son, who probably wouldn't be in our future without those losses? There is no doubt!
So as I cry, I thank God for the experience of those two losses, because I know that we are on His path for us. I also pray that His path includes biological children for us, someday. And today, I pray that our babies are looking down and proud of us and excited to see their brother in our home soon.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
how we got here -- part 3
Check out parts 1&2 if you haven't read them yet!
Remember I mentioned Mary in part 2? Mary is mother to Mya, an amazing little girl who has Down Syndrome. As we went through January, February, and March we got to know their family better and better. Mya and Wes were instant friends, and she called him Man for the longest time. Mary jokes that her daughter will steal husbands if their wives let her! If you ever sit in our section at church you can't help but know who Mya is...she is like our Welcome Wagon! She is the most friendly, out-going, loving person I've ever known. Did I tell you she is only 5?!?! Since we lost our little girl Mya has literally rocked our world. There have been a few weekends we haven't gotten to see her and it's amazing the difference in those weeks. They are certainly not as bright!
One Sunday in March we went to lunch with our giant group of friends who are all like family. While we were sitting there Mary told me about Reece's Rainbow. When we got home that afternoon I told Wes about it and looked them up. After some discussion I decided to send them a email, because we were intrigued. Literally 20 minutes went by and my questions were answered...on a SUNDAY! While we had spoken about adoption before that day we truly felt God was leading us to wait until we had biological children. Imagine our surprise when we found out we could work on both at the same time if we looked at kids from a specific country in Eastern Europe. It was like the prayers we had been praying since we got married were being answered...and when you ask God to show you what His purpose is for you watch out! It will not be what you expected!
Still not completely convinced we took a few more weeks to think about it, talk about it and pray about it. During those weeks I spent most of my time on Reece's Rainbow's website looking at all those precious faces. My heart was breaking for them, knowing what their lives will be like if they stay in orphanages and institutions in their countries. Frankly, it's a bleak existence.
While we were on vacation in early April we finally decided to move forward and pursue an adoption. Danny came to the top of both of our lists quickly after that. The following Monday I contacted an agency and we began the process of adopting our son.
We couldn't be more surprised or thrilled that our first son will come to us through adoption. It's also a shock that he has Down Syndrome, as we NEVER saw that one coming! But we can't wait to bring him home to Texas. We also look forward to seeing what else God has in mind for us. Two kids was our original limit, but the more we talk about it the more kids we see in our family. For the record my plan still only includes birthing two, however God has laughed at my plans a lot in recent months!
Remember I mentioned Mary in part 2? Mary is mother to Mya, an amazing little girl who has Down Syndrome. As we went through January, February, and March we got to know their family better and better. Mya and Wes were instant friends, and she called him Man for the longest time. Mary jokes that her daughter will steal husbands if their wives let her! If you ever sit in our section at church you can't help but know who Mya is...she is like our Welcome Wagon! She is the most friendly, out-going, loving person I've ever known. Did I tell you she is only 5?!?! Since we lost our little girl Mya has literally rocked our world. There have been a few weekends we haven't gotten to see her and it's amazing the difference in those weeks. They are certainly not as bright!
One Sunday in March we went to lunch with our giant group of friends who are all like family. While we were sitting there Mary told me about Reece's Rainbow. When we got home that afternoon I told Wes about it and looked them up. After some discussion I decided to send them a email, because we were intrigued. Literally 20 minutes went by and my questions were answered...on a SUNDAY! While we had spoken about adoption before that day we truly felt God was leading us to wait until we had biological children. Imagine our surprise when we found out we could work on both at the same time if we looked at kids from a specific country in Eastern Europe. It was like the prayers we had been praying since we got married were being answered...and when you ask God to show you what His purpose is for you watch out! It will not be what you expected!
Still not completely convinced we took a few more weeks to think about it, talk about it and pray about it. During those weeks I spent most of my time on Reece's Rainbow's website looking at all those precious faces. My heart was breaking for them, knowing what their lives will be like if they stay in orphanages and institutions in their countries. Frankly, it's a bleak existence.
While we were on vacation in early April we finally decided to move forward and pursue an adoption. Danny came to the top of both of our lists quickly after that. The following Monday I contacted an agency and we began the process of adopting our son.
We couldn't be more surprised or thrilled that our first son will come to us through adoption. It's also a shock that he has Down Syndrome, as we NEVER saw that one coming! But we can't wait to bring him home to Texas. We also look forward to seeing what else God has in mind for us. Two kids was our original limit, but the more we talk about it the more kids we see in our family. For the record my plan still only includes birthing two, however God has laughed at my plans a lot in recent months!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
how we got here -- part 2
To catch up check out Part 1.
While I was at the doctor's office waiting to be picked up (there was no way I could drive) they decided to run a bunch of blood tests. Eighteen tubes of blood to be exact! They also told me I would have to come back the next day to speak with my doctor since she only works two days a week. Wes and I went in the next morning to talk with my amazing OB. She spent more time with us than I've ever had a doctor spend. Dr. R talked to us about why we might be experiencing multiple losses, what blood tests they had run the day before, what happened next, and GOD. A doctor who talked about God?!?! I have to admit I wasn't ready to talk about Him, but when my wonderful doctor asked if she could pray with us I knew we were in the right place. She did one more ultrasound, just to be sure there was no heartbeat. And then sent us to see a surgeon.
Wednesday December 22, 2010 I had surgery. That afternoon my sweet amazing momma stayed with us and loved us. My friends came over and brought a beautiful holly and crepe myrtle. (Oh I wish that holly hadn't frozen to death!) We were literally surrounded by love from our family and friends. Everyone was so sweet and gentle with us. On Christmas Eve we decided to go to church, knowing it would be hard, we still needed to be there. That night I told Mary, who we had met earlier in the year, what was going on. She hugged me so hard and I felt how sad she was for us, and really she barely knew us!
Fast forward a few more months and we are still mourning the loss of our daughter, who we call Faith. During those months I am skipping over we found out she had Turner's Syndrome. TS is extremely rare, and found only in girls. From what we understand fewer than 5% of TS conceptions result in a full term pregnancy. We chose to call her Faith because we trusted God's direction in our lives and we have faith that He knows what he is doing. At this point we aren't sure what the odds are of ever having a healthy pregnancy, but we are continuing to walk on faith that one day we will.
While I was at the doctor's office waiting to be picked up (there was no way I could drive) they decided to run a bunch of blood tests. Eighteen tubes of blood to be exact! They also told me I would have to come back the next day to speak with my doctor since she only works two days a week. Wes and I went in the next morning to talk with my amazing OB. She spent more time with us than I've ever had a doctor spend. Dr. R talked to us about why we might be experiencing multiple losses, what blood tests they had run the day before, what happened next, and GOD. A doctor who talked about God?!?! I have to admit I wasn't ready to talk about Him, but when my wonderful doctor asked if she could pray with us I knew we were in the right place. She did one more ultrasound, just to be sure there was no heartbeat. And then sent us to see a surgeon.
Wednesday December 22, 2010 I had surgery. That afternoon my sweet amazing momma stayed with us and loved us. My friends came over and brought a beautiful holly and crepe myrtle. (Oh I wish that holly hadn't frozen to death!) We were literally surrounded by love from our family and friends. Everyone was so sweet and gentle with us. On Christmas Eve we decided to go to church, knowing it would be hard, we still needed to be there. That night I told Mary, who we had met earlier in the year, what was going on. She hugged me so hard and I felt how sad she was for us, and really she barely knew us!
Fast forward a few more months and we are still mourning the loss of our daughter, who we call Faith. During those months I am skipping over we found out she had Turner's Syndrome. TS is extremely rare, and found only in girls. From what we understand fewer than 5% of TS conceptions result in a full term pregnancy. We chose to call her Faith because we trusted God's direction in our lives and we have faith that He knows what he is doing. At this point we aren't sure what the odds are of ever having a healthy pregnancy, but we are continuing to walk on faith that one day we will.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
how we got here -- part 1
I get asked a lot how we go to the point of adopting a special needs child so I feel like it deserves an answer! But to get to that answer you have to go back about three years...well maybe a little further than that.
About three years ago I was working a crazy job that had me traveling all over the country pretty much five days a week. My 28th birthday was rapidly approaching and I was lonely. One day I complained to a girl-friend that I never met any nice guys and I really was ready to be married and think about having a family. At that point I wasn't sure I wanted kids, but I knew I wanted the option. So the friend I was complaining to offered to set me up on blind dates...50 to be exact! The idea was I would go on one date every weekend when I was home until I found someone I wanted to see again.
I went on exactly three dates and didn't want to see any of them a second time. Then some other folks got wind of the project and I was "introduced" to Wes. I put that in quotes because Wes was working in Atlanta at the time and we didn't meet face to face for four months. But during those four months we spoke on a the phone a bit, ok, A LOT. We got to know each other very well and decided we needed to meet. Our first date was three days long! We spent Labor Day weekend 2008 getting to know each other in Nashville. It was during that weekend we shared our first I Love You, and actually decided to get married. Crazy, huh?!?! It gets crazier....we got engaged at Thanksgiving and married the following Easter. So in less than a year we went from occasional phone conversations to marriage! During all those months of phone conversations we discussed having a family and I still wasn't totally convinced, but I knew that it was something he wanted and I was willing to consider it. Ultimately I knew he was made to be an excellent father and I wanted to be the mother of his kids.
Fast forward through our first year of marriage...two job changes, one of us moving, continued travel for work, two dogs, etc! We decided on our first anniversary that it was time to try to have a baby. Two months later we announced to our families on Father's Day 2010 we were pregnant! It was exciting for exactly one week. The following Friday I went to the ER and was told I was having a miscarriage. We were devastated.
A few months later in September we found out I was pregnant again. This time we took our time telling people, waiting quite a while. (For those of you who really know me you can imagine how hard this was -- I tell everything I know!) Thanksgiving day, when I was 13 weeks along, we felt comfortable to tell the world and posted our happy news on facebook.
At 16 weeks we went for my check-up and my doctor agreed to do a quick ultrasound so we could tell everyone what the gender was for Christmas. Baby wasn't super cooperative, but we were 90% sure it was a girl. I was excited, Wes openly wanted a boy and wasn't too thrilled, but within a day was coming around to the idea. That was a Thursday. The following Monday, December 20th (this is a date I will never forget -- partially because it's my brother's birthday) I felt weird. Couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I thought I had a bladder infection, which is pretty common in pregnant women. I called the doc's office and asked if I could come by to find out for sure, and they said I could and they would do a quick doppler to hear the heartbeat while I was there. As you can understand I was very nervous. The nurse couldn't find the heartbeat, so we went into the sonogram room. As soon as she put the wand on my belly I could tell there was no longer a heartbeat. Our baby was mysteriously gone at 16 weeks and 4 days. I didn't have any sort of infection, and there was no obvious reason for a loss so late.
About three years ago I was working a crazy job that had me traveling all over the country pretty much five days a week. My 28th birthday was rapidly approaching and I was lonely. One day I complained to a girl-friend that I never met any nice guys and I really was ready to be married and think about having a family. At that point I wasn't sure I wanted kids, but I knew I wanted the option. So the friend I was complaining to offered to set me up on blind dates...50 to be exact! The idea was I would go on one date every weekend when I was home until I found someone I wanted to see again.
I went on exactly three dates and didn't want to see any of them a second time. Then some other folks got wind of the project and I was "introduced" to Wes. I put that in quotes because Wes was working in Atlanta at the time and we didn't meet face to face for four months. But during those four months we spoke on a the phone a bit, ok, A LOT. We got to know each other very well and decided we needed to meet. Our first date was three days long! We spent Labor Day weekend 2008 getting to know each other in Nashville. It was during that weekend we shared our first I Love You, and actually decided to get married. Crazy, huh?!?! It gets crazier....we got engaged at Thanksgiving and married the following Easter. So in less than a year we went from occasional phone conversations to marriage! During all those months of phone conversations we discussed having a family and I still wasn't totally convinced, but I knew that it was something he wanted and I was willing to consider it. Ultimately I knew he was made to be an excellent father and I wanted to be the mother of his kids.
Fast forward through our first year of marriage...two job changes, one of us moving, continued travel for work, two dogs, etc! We decided on our first anniversary that it was time to try to have a baby. Two months later we announced to our families on Father's Day 2010 we were pregnant! It was exciting for exactly one week. The following Friday I went to the ER and was told I was having a miscarriage. We were devastated.
A few months later in September we found out I was pregnant again. This time we took our time telling people, waiting quite a while. (For those of you who really know me you can imagine how hard this was -- I tell everything I know!) Thanksgiving day, when I was 13 weeks along, we felt comfortable to tell the world and posted our happy news on facebook.
At 16 weeks we went for my check-up and my doctor agreed to do a quick ultrasound so we could tell everyone what the gender was for Christmas. Baby wasn't super cooperative, but we were 90% sure it was a girl. I was excited, Wes openly wanted a boy and wasn't too thrilled, but within a day was coming around to the idea. That was a Thursday. The following Monday, December 20th (this is a date I will never forget -- partially because it's my brother's birthday) I felt weird. Couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I thought I had a bladder infection, which is pretty common in pregnant women. I called the doc's office and asked if I could come by to find out for sure, and they said I could and they would do a quick doppler to hear the heartbeat while I was there. As you can understand I was very nervous. The nurse couldn't find the heartbeat, so we went into the sonogram room. As soon as she put the wand on my belly I could tell there was no longer a heartbeat. Our baby was mysteriously gone at 16 weeks and 4 days. I didn't have any sort of infection, and there was no obvious reason for a loss so late.
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